n. frustration with how long it takes to get to know someone—spending the first few weeks chatting in their psychological entryway, with each subsequent conversation like entering a different anteroom, each a little closer to the center of the house—wishing instead that you could start there and…
The moment I buy my fake Facebook girlfriend, she leaves a post on my wall. It reads: “I just remembered that thing you said… hiarious. lol ;)” Great. Now everyone thinks I’ve fallen for a woman who can’t spell and says “lol” a lot. This is a disaster. My reputation might take years to recover. What if she misuses an apostrophe in her next post? Or has ever said the word “nom” out loud? I’ll be ruined.
Worse still, my girlfriend – my actual, real-life, flesh-and-blood girlfriend with whom I live – isn’t a fan of my new fake girlfriend at all. Whenever my Facebook girlfriend posts anything, my real-life girlfriend narrows her eyes and reads it back to me in a withering voice. Yesterday, while I was looking up a recipe on my phone, she yelled, “Are you texting your new girlfriend? You are, aren’t you?” and then fell silent for three-quarters of an hour. This whole situation was a mistake.
Why did I buy a fake Facebook girlfriend? Curiosity, mainly. Name me one red-blooded man who wouldn’t want to validate his neediness by paying a stranger of undetermined gender to send him hollow, misspelt platitudes on the internet. You can’t, can you?
Mar 27, 1912: The First Japanese Cherry Blossom Trees Are Planted in the U.S.
On this day in 1912, the first two Japanese cherry blossom trees were successfully planted by First Lady Helen Taft and Viscountess Chinda on the Tidal Basin in Washington, D.C. Japanese Mayor Yukio Ozaki of Tokyo gave the U.S. over 3000 trees to demonstrate the growing relationship between the U.S. and Japan.
Every spring, Washington D.C. commemorates the initial planting through the National Cherry Blossom Festival.
As we wait for this year’s blooming period, treat yourself to this delicious spring recipe!
Image: Cherry blossoms in Washington D.C. 2013 (Diana Alvarenga)
